Edna Zapanta-Manlapaz

Prof. Felipe B. Miranda

Trixie de Guzman

JJ  S. Henson

Susan Ortega

Betty R. Ventura

Dr. Helen Caintic

PSHS Library (Dr. Caintic)

Prof. Tess Batangan

Prof. Ces Conaco

Dr. Edwin Decenteceo

Archie & Chinita Q. Abad

Dr. Joey Balmaceda

Dr. Tess Batanes

Dr. Frank G. Flores

Profs. Pepe & Fe Domingo

Profs. Raul & Lorna Segovia

Marietta Yandoc

Wilfredo Pascua Sanchez

Ken Trinos

Seema Chhabra

Dr. Serg Simangan

Dr. Greg del Pilar

‘Bubbles’

Dr. Carlo A. Arcilla

Ms. Rochelle B. Prado

Mrs. Teresita A. Mendoza

Floyd G. Buenavente

Dennis D. David

Dr. Marian Roque

Dr. Abdul Abiad

and may we all be better ones for those we love

I wrote this four and half years ago after my dad passed away.

It’s Christmas and this is one of those special times that I miss my Daddy more and more and wish I can just have even a minute to hug and tell him that I love him.

Four years, yet the pain remains. Four years, and it seems like it was only yesterday, when it happened…

So here it goes…

It happened on April 6, 2007, at 11 pm. Dad was very uneasy in bed, saw him eating a chocolate, then a candy…I didn’t know he was feeling something until he ran to the cr…and he said ‘natae sya..”

That’s the last memory I have of my dad…our last conversation was when he was telling me to change the direction of the aircon because he was cold. Dad and I share the same bed, mom has her own bed while my two sisters share a queen size bed. We all had slept in one room ever since dad has had a heart attack one and a half years ago and was diagnosed with a very weak heart. Most of his arteries (I’m not really familiar with the medical term) were blocked that’s why only 22% of his heart was functional. The doctor said he could go while he’s asleep. That’s why all of us sometimes, took turn in making sure dad’s breathing while in bed, sleeping. Sometimes, I’d wake up and look at his stomach, see if he’s breathing…sometimes, I would call him, pretend I need to ask something, even in the middle of the night, so that I’ll know that he’s ok. Many times in the past when he was very uncomfortable in bed but wouldn’t say anything, I would just read newspaper or watch tv just so I could watch him, and make sure he’s ok.

But I guess, there comes a time when everything has to end and no matter how hard you try to ask the Lord to make your loved one’s life longer, death is still inevitable. Maybe, it’s really his time to go…

Every time I close my eyes, I could still recall how it happened, how it all happened in just five minutes – - from the time he ran to the cr, when I talked to mom after that and told her that dad seemed uneasy and not feeling well, when mom went to the cr to check on dad…when mom screamed, when my sisters called me…when I was telling dad ‘ok ka lang dad, hindi ka mamamatay…kaya mo yan dad’…, when I ran to my tito’s house and asked for help, when we were trying so hard to get dad out of the cr, when we were carrying him…when they gave me the car key and we were in panic because we didn’t know how to put dad in the car, when I was driving so fast to go to the nearest hospital..up to the point when dad appeared so lifeless…

I didn’t know how we did it, babae kami lahat na naiwan sa bahay. It’s a good thing our neighbors heard us screamed and that my Tito ted and Kuya Ping were there. Until now, when I think about it, I really couldn’t believe that it happened the way it happened…

I was beside him when they were trying to revive him. I asked if he has a pulse, if he has bp. When they said wala…and nagkakaroon pero very weak, I talked to dad and told him,‘wag sya kabahan..that if he can still fight for it, wag syang magintindi…that we will do everything in our power to see him alive…’…I saw tears in his eyes, then parang huminga ng malalim…I thought he was ok..that he’ll be ok… The doctor said there’s nothing else they could do after hours of failed attempts to stabilize his condition because they gave him already the maximum dosage for the medicine. They said, they wouldn’t try to revive him after the last shot. When the last shot was given and dad was not responding, they made us go near him…we were all crying…I was pleading to the doctors to give him one more shot…although I knew it was over…it was really over…

We were supposed to go to Bataan the next day, Black Saturday at 3am. That’s why all our cellphones were set to 2 am. My Father died at five to ten minutes past two am, April 7, Black Staurday and my bestfriend Garry’s birthday. It was really the SADDEST DAY OF OUR LIVES…My saddest day…I was numb for a time..I didn’t knowwhat to say, what to do..I was just crying and crying and crying..

Two weeks after it happened, I felt that it’s time to finally write about it. It took me days to put this all together…I couldn’t help it..…There’s just so much pain.

Maybe in time, our wounds will heal..but I don’t think our lives will ever be the same again. We’re taking our time to remember and heal… We’re all trying our best to be ok; trying so hard to be tough just so mom could feel less pain. But every night, I would oftentimes wonder, if he’s ok, if he is missing his cellphones, if he has taken his coffee…if he has friends there in heaven. This is my way of coping, trying to reassure myself that in my dad’s world now, he’s ok and that he is still the leader of his ‘band’…the best person to everyone.

Everyday especially when I miss him, I would look at his picture and start to cry. Sometimes, when I’m driving, I would just cry not knowing why…the pain is just so deep…it’s as if half of me is dead.

It’s hard just thinking about spending vacations, Christmas, new year, eating, buying fruits, going to the mall without dad.

Last Christmas, he was supposed to treat us at Starbucks, Petron Marilao. But we were so full after eating at Greenbelt that we just told him, me utang syang starbucks sa amin. Unfortunately, hindi namin nagawa yun..that’s why when I remembered, I said, ‘nakaisa ka na naman sa amin ka Mario..’

Thanks dad. For everything…You still owe us starbucks coffee okay? We miss you and of course, we love you dearly.

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What did mean? Nothing really. Or at least nothing that I have been made aware of.

All I know is that it will never be far from my thoughts.

As are my memories of Dad.

As is the void that still gapes.

Love,

Mai

Today, the day I’m writing this letter, is the birthday of your Auntie Fevi, whom you know as my first child and daughter.  You never had the good fortune to meet her, as she left us long before you were even born.  But in the short span of 7 years during which she was with your Lolo and me, and your Uncle Bob (5 years), Auntie Vey (2 years) and Auntie Bryn (1 year), she left behind great memories of an obedient and good child, of a gifted child in Devon Elementary School (Grade 2 level in Math even though she was only in Grade 1), of a good classmate who was the first to welcome a classmate who had been absent for a long while and who was shy about going back to class, of a good and confident friend who got along with her American friends, and of a good sister who went without her lunch so she could buy a balloon as present for Uncle Bob.  Gosh, you might say, she did all these in just the short while she was alive?  There’s even more.  When we went home to Balayan and she saw my grandfather with two of his polo shirt buttons unbuttoned, she at once proceeded to button them, and she was just about 3 years then.  Or when I, tired from all the housework, napped, leaving the dishes in the sink, woke up to find her sitting precariously on a bit of tile counter and washing the dishes.  She was really something!  So that I, 40 years after she’s gone, still find myself on the verge of tears upon recollecting all the good and unexpected things she had ever done.  For 10 years after she died, I couldn’t bring myself to even talk about her, for fear that I’d burst into tears right there and then, even when I was with somebody (and I hate showing my emotions to other people.)

Had she lived, she would’ve been 49 today.  With a profession, with a family, with children?  Who knows?  All I know is, she was the best child any parent could ever have had, and the best Ate any younger sibling could ever wish for.

Happy Birthday, Fevi!  From all of us!

]]> http://fgdavid.com/2011/11/17/happy-birth-anniversary-dearest-fevi/feed/ http://fgdavid.com/2011/11/12/naomis-blog/ http://fgdavid.com/2011/11/12/naomis-blog/#comments Sat, 12 Nov 2011 09:36:47 +0000 Ethel http://fgdavid.com/?p=1315 http://naomicorpuz.multiply.com/journal/item/7